nothin serious

this blog is all about my life and thoughts...pretty personal but definitely not as personal as it could get. :]

Monday, April 28, 2008

dumb thoughts-i guess that's what you could call em!

just been thinking lately again. alllll about religion!
isn't that crazy?
yeah. i know....

so! i've been thinkin!
why is religion soooo important to people? why do they think that if they are some CERTAIN type of religion it's like a gate way to heaven? isn't the interpreting God's judgment? everyone in each religion whether they realize it or not thinks that they are in the RIGHT place! and they are going to heaven because...well...God knows that we are really holy and we believe all the RIGHT things about Him. and we do alllll the right little traditions because that's what God cares about...i'm shurr....
look at allllll the religions for ONE second...k?
MOST of them have the same general ideas.
so why is being in the "correct" religion so important to people? when most of us believe the same general stuff? it's sorta stupid of us. we set up allllll these different religions which are all based off of the same general beliefs...we must look pretty damn stupid to God.
If God is soooo forgiving...then why does it matter which one were in? i really don't think He cares.
all He wants is to be trusted in and given a little THANKS for alllllll the life blessings He's given us. church is so that we can have a relationship with Him, so we CAN give Him some thankin n' such.
i dunno.
i think it's stupid that there are like 5,000,000,000 different religions in this world. and none of them are really the "perfect" one, because there is no such thing as perfection in this world. God is perfection, and we can't be God.

just a thought.


p.s. If atheists don't believe in God then they obviously think He exists because if He didn't they wouldn't have anything NOT to believe in.....duhhhh.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

i hate making names for my posts. it's dumb

ok. well it's PASCHA! wooty woot!

life seems slow right now.
and disappointing.
i'm actually quite angry. and i don't know why really. i just am. i just want to go like..take it all out on a punching bag.

Life drives me nuts. i hear the SAME things from everyone over and over again. i "learn" the same thing over and over again. when doesn't matter that much.
i feel like a lot of people have this idea in their mind as to a certain way i should live, or what i should do with my life. it's annoying. yeah. they care. but i like my life the way it is, and i don't need people telling me what i should do with it.

i'm so tired.
i feel like just taking off and laying down in the middle of the road and seeing what happens. haha. jk. i already die! ahh!

but that's life.
we die.
o well.

i really have no idea why i'm writing this post anyways. i dunno who is actually going to read the whole thing.
ya know what i don't enjoy about life?
i could care less about dumb people who think life revolves around them and their life is horrible and nothing is ever right and o noooo you said this but she said that...blahhhh. just shut up people. i'm tired of you.
what i'm really tired of is the concept of LIES! they are so annoying. why can't people just tell the truth....BECAUSE THEY ARE COWARDS! gr....

mom is coming down stairs.
shes going to read this over my shoulder and tell me to get off.


Thursday, April 17, 2008

bad. good....idunno.

bleh...thinking takes over me all the time! and it drives me nuts.

i'm just thinking about our emotions as people. why they are so different and why they effect people so much.
what ever.

i really don't know what to write about right now.
i just feel pretty lost and confused and scattered all over the place.
i'm just another broken person trying to fix other broken people because they come to me for help...
it's so hard to fake it sometimes.
to hold back on being depressed and crying.
i am relied on so greatly sometimes. it's insane.
i don't like it.
but i love everyone around me.
they are amazing people.
and they don't realize how much they actually have going for them.
people automatically look for the BAD in things.
when there is so much GOOD to everything.
but it's so often over looked....:[

poor's replaced by the BAD....tear.

well i dunno.
i kinda just felt like typing about nonsense like always.

i shall go.
i'm tired.



Tuesday, April 15, 2008


i am SO procrastinating.
o well. i do it all the time. i'm just one BIG PROCRASTINATING MACHINE! woot.
so i've obviously been doing a lot of thinking lately.
and it's finally calmed down. i'm very happy. :] my life is settling down kinda...sorta. not really. but i like to think it is. helps me take control of my life just a little more.
Kenzy is extremely worn out and needs a whole day of sleep....really badly.
but life keeps fucking going on! i hate it...:[ gayness.
i know iiiiii KNOW!
i can't just drop everything because i want to..i get that pep talk alllll the time. its really annoying.
pssssssssssssh. i know.
so kenzy has been thinking about everything!
why things are this way or that.
what is really going to happen in the future.
is it worth working hard for.
will i even succeed.
is another broken heart worth risking.
why do we all have to make such stupid decisions.
why is everyone so oblivious.
or are they really?
why are people such god damn attentions whores.
why am I an attention whore....
fdka;jfkajfeahgadjlkjasfksda....mofo peacin it up hommes.

i am so tired.
and i want to go to bed reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllly badly.
but i have a science research paper outline i have to do.
and i really don't want to.
but i have to because i haven't turned anything else in for this paper.
o well.

life sucks.

Monday, April 14, 2008


im not sure how to explain my thoughts or exactly what i am thinking.
but trying to find forgiveness within me is difficult, and i know you can understand why.
i have a damn good reason for it.

i want to forgive him and trust him again.
i've been wanting things to just happen themselves without putting work into making them happen.
i want things to go back to the way they were when things were happy and peaceful.
maybe this will make us stronger?
maybe our relationship will grow?
but i know it won't go back to exactly how it was.
i know there will be a cautious part in my heart for a long time...
eventually the distrust will subside.
i hope.

i don't want to end up holding a grudge against someone i love so dearly.
nothing would ever become at peace.

some people say we are just teenagers who think we are in love, but we don't really know what love is. i know they think that it's something that might just last for a while but eventually we will go our separate ways...

i know it's common for someone to say that this really is love, but a feeling in my heart tells me it is. and it's not just me who thinks so. after this weekend we realized how much we really do love each other. and that it's not just a normal boyfriend-girlfriend's not just a romance. we are the BEST of friends. we talk about everything that is on our minds.
we can't really picture ourselves ending up with anyone else. and we think that same way about everything.
we don't get into arguments, but we get into discussions and a few disagreements that turn into laughs later on.

i give people second chances...sometimes more than just a second.
some people don't think that's the right thing to do; i need to protect myself...
God gives us a second chance doesn't He?
why can't i?

it's going to be the most difficult second chance i've ever given anyone.
but i pray that it's worth it.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

no subject

i don't know.
i'm a little lost. and i don't know what to think. sometimes you think you've found the right piece to the puzzle, but there's something a little off that makes it not fit quite right.
things are over.
but friends seems perfect. things happen fast; everything goes by like a lightening strike. I'm trying to live my life without regrets, but i guess you can't escape them. i'm not exactly okay, but i am a little more put to peace than i was.
i've realized that our lives revolve around trust. You trust that you will wake up every morning to live your normal life for another day. you trust that if you go to take a shower, the water will come out of the spout. you trust that the garbage man will come a few times a week. you trust that your work will be there when you arrive. you trust that your school and the people in it will be there when you arrive. you trust that your teachers will grade your papers so you can have a transcript and maybe some day go to college. you trust your parents from the beginning of your life. you trust they will dress, feed and bathe you daily till you can do so yourself. you trust that they will give you your needs. and when they don't, and break that special trust you become "messed up".

your mind takes it as abandonment, as though you aren't loved.

when you fall in love, you trust the other person to be gentle with your heart. you trust them to take it and care for it like their own. you trust them to be only with you, and to not split your heart in half. you trust them to only dream of you at night. and you trust them to only think of you during the day. you trust them to not take advantage of the things you have going for you, or just who you are. you trust them to love you back, and only to love you.

but part of the fall of mankind is that the trust is broken a lot.
and there is always a person it effects.

each decision you make has an effect.


just keep praying people keep trusting others.
and our pride will subside one of these days....