nothin serious

this blog is all about my life and thoughts...pretty personal but definitely not as personal as it could get. :]

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Life is short, heaven and hell are for long...

Ok, so me and my thinking again. My brother's excuse for that is that I'm 13 and that' s what I'm supposed to do. This is a time in my life when I'm going to be questioning things a lot! And I noticed. I've questioned life, why do we have to go through life to get to Heaven or Hell? Why do we even exist? Who is God anyway? And even sometimes I question death, suicide, things like that. And yeah to admit it, I have thought about suicide like every other teenager in this world, I think that we see it as an easy way out of our problems, but really it's not because we will regret it after we are gone. I'm a teen, apparently I think that everyone around me doesn't know anything and I KNOW ALL!!!! Well I'm gunna be like Jeremy and say that the things that people assume about teens and the way they act is LIMITING! I'm not stupid, I know what I should be doing but that doesn't mean that I'm gunna take the right path. I like the easy way out of things, I mean who doesn't? Jeremy talks to me a lot about my spiritual life and things that might be helpful or that I should take advantage of the things handed to me. And yeah I agree with him. But a LOT of times(and by that i mean like 99 out of 100 times) I feel pushed into things by my parents (especially) or the people around me. I know they are trying to do me good but sometimes I need to come to things myself instead of right away when my PARENTS are ready for me to do things. I'm not always ready to take these things that are handed to me. I know that right now my spiritual life is a wreck and I should be working on it, but I'm not mentally ready to take such a large step in life. It' s just now registering that life is what prepares us for Heaven. Heaven and Hell are for an eternity, these things never die out unlike life which may adventually disappear. Yeah, once this registered I've been scared out of my mind and want to curl up in a corner and cry but I can't because I have a life to live too. Like no joke I've wanted to cry for the past week but can't. I'm actually not really sure why I have wanted to cry. I guess it's pressure from friends, teachers, family and even myself to do things all at once and then at the same time as doing all of this stuff having a spiritual life. Me being a teen, again assumed and usually correct, I have a lot of friend drama and guy drama, well that's part of the reason for wanting to cry and curl in a ball in a corner. But I think that it's more of the reality of what I'm doing to my life. I have to go to the monastery for two days. Yeah I'm not really looking forward to it to tell you the truth, but it's not that it's kinda boring and I don't get to use my hair products for a day, but it's more that going to the monastery to me is like a judgement of my spiritual life. And I DO NOT like that, but that is because I know that I'm not doing a very good job with it. I've been confused about life and kind of almost depressed about things. But I had to pour it all out on my readers....srry bout that. I had to get it out some how and talking about it to someone is kinda hard.

Thanks for listening.

Sunday, November 12, 2006


psh....that has nothing to do with my i'm just sitting here freakishly bored and listening to music!!!!! heck yes. so what is new with all of my readers that i don't have? hehe. nothing is really new with my life. yes, there is a guy that i like and his name me Chris. he likes me, i like him. not going out. ever since i found out that he likes me though he hasn't talked to me. lol. oh well. he already knew that i liked him i guess...:) that's what he said so whatever. um...but i hope all goes well with that. um...what else. i was kinda thinking the other day, i kno! me thinkin??? lol...but really. jeremy and i were talking and this is also something that i has been on my mind a lot ever since my religion became more of part of my life, but anyway. as i was saying, i've noticed that we tend to put down the other religions in our world around us. it's just not right. i always hear, "those Protestants" if i spelled that but we shouldn't be putting them down and we shouldn't act like just because we are in the "right" religion we are better than everyone else. I don't know about you but there are MANY people better than me but they aren't an Orthodox Christian. And just because we are in the "right" religion doesn't mean that we are going to heaven or anything.I see religion as a guide to heaven. It's not the answer to any of our problems, God is the answer, but everything that we do depends on OUR decisions, not Gods. God gives us the freedom of choice. It's all up to us to decide. yes, notice that i put "" around right, that's because i question it sometimes. but back to what i was saying. At camp, yes sam at camp, my brother cabin and my cabin were talking to, personally, the best bishop!!! Bishop Thomas :) about death. this subject put a large impact on our lives, we were all scared of it. He talked to us about it and said that yes it's part of life and no we cannot avoid it. (to me it's like a gift from God like everything else) but he told us that when it comes to the Judgement it's our choice to be in heaven or hell, it all depends if WE really want to be with God. Like i said earlier, God gives us the freedom of choice in our lives. we shouldn't put others down or make things up about other people to embarrass them or just to have something to talk about, you kno what i 'm talking about you can't say that you have NEVER done that. a lot of people miss judge me. they think i'm a bored snotty teenager that doesn't enjoy anything but hanging out with my friends and i don't give a shit about my religion or others around me. yeah, part of the time that's true, but that doesn' t make it right to say things that aren't true about me. i don't like it when i hear some of my friends talking about me right in front of my face. I also dont like when people make up feelings that i have about people when i really don't. like example, say sam says that i think Jason is weird or annoying. some people get on my nerves sometimes and i can get paranoid pretty easily. but still, don't make things up about how i feel about people cuz FYI!!!! most of the time your judgements of me aren't true. I seem like a bitch, and yeah sometimes i send that "signal" out to people around me, but most of the time that's because i'm in a bad mood or i just don't really wanna talk to anyone, and no i'm not trying to say i'm a better person than anyone else reading this, i do those things too. I'm saying that i don't like it. and this is the easiest way to tell people that without really really hurting their feelings or starting a conflict. ok, another example. most of the time The gould boys and sam say that i'm lazy and i don't give a shit about anyone but myself. ok how would you like that to be said about you every sunday??? huh??? but i'm done with this blog. think about what i said and give me your opinion. :)


Friday, November 03, 2006

same thing over and over....

So life seems to be repetitive...i've kinda noticed that lately. I mean especially at school. First with friends it's like oh I luv her! she's my besty! and then it's like ugh! her again! but then after a while your like OMG i luv her!!! it's sooo annoying! and then with the it's like OMG! i love him! and then like a week later it's like ew he's I swear i'm going to go crazy in jr. high. jk. but still, it get's boring after a while. So then after that repeats there are the classes. like Algebra, which btw i have an A- in, anyway, there is ALWAYS a test on friday. and there HAS TO BE an assignment no matter what! they act like we are going dumb or something. This is what ruins math. the stupid assignments....grrrr, i have TWO projects that i'm working on right now that are pretty easy but annoying. lol. One is on The Battle of Bunker jk. the other one is for Science on Global Warming. yay! like it's really gunna happen anyway. well whateve, who cares bout that kind of science anyway?
well, on to my other life stuff. This Saturday I was SUPPOSED to go to the movies with some friends but noooo he had to become grounded for having a Myspace...bleh. oh well, this is why God created more than one weekend in our lives. lol. so i'm probably gunna hang with some of my friends, like Kheya and Tyler, the people i hang with every weekend! I luv em to death...:) soo...yeah, I've been kinda thinking about some stuff in life like dogs and cats and things that seem like the same old thing everyday! but yet i realized that they really aren't everyday things. They are actually pretty coolio. It's one of those things that you can't explain and you just have to let other people figure it out themselves. I was actually thinking the same thing about people. :) but like i said, they have to understand it themselves. well i'm hungry again!!! so i'll talk to you later!