questions without answers

In this life we all need patience; it's key to getting along in this life. I've thought about this a lot
actually[[what we need most of]] and it really is patience. To be able to get through daily activities we need it. I wouldn't be able to get through a simple activity such as...taking a shower in the morning if i didn't have the gift of patience. I know that to conquer sin i need to first conquer my pride...but to conquer my pride i need patience. right?!
weird stuff.
Anyways, I'm not sure why i am here writing any of these words but it's what i like to do and so i'm going to do it. I wish i could actually write something with deep meaning, well that i would want to share with you guys. Because, trust me, i got some deep writings in my journal upstairs. But I can't bring myself to share that kind of thing with you guys.








I was thinking the other day about the way all of us are, the way we can't trust each other anymore to even be told the truth. I can understand the times when the truth is difficult to tell someone, such as: telling your parents you're pregnant or you've been doing drugs or telling a significant other that you're cheating on them. THAT'S THE DIFFICULT TRUTH. but just being HONEST with each other is something we all have problems with day to day. But why? Why can't we just be honest with each other and not be rude about things and talk about each other? Why is it that if you give a stranger a smile or a hug that you're considered weird? or that if you decide to talk to some kid at a table by themselves that you're put down for talking to an "outkast" or just simply saying hi to them? What's wrong with that? Why do people put you down for saying the things you wonder about or think about even though youre not the only one with these thoughts? Why are there different "types" of people when really if you ask two different people a question such as "what's your favorite color?" their answers will most likely be the same. Why does it matter what our mistakes or mess ups are when really it doesn't define the kind of person you are on the inside. Why do we have to blame others for other people's problems or our own problems? why can't we just accept that it's our OWN FAULT that we made a mistake?

I shouldn't have to be asking these questions.

hmmm...

ROMANS 7&8:"For that which I am doing, I do not understand, for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate....For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind, and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death."



this is me.
my life.
the way i am.
the way i wish it was.
i wish i could stop the things i do.
i wish i really could become something with God.
i wish i'd stop breaking relationships with people.
and mostly Him.

i miss Him.

wow

I'm not so sure what to talk about. what i can talk about. why i want to talk about things. I'm incredibly confused lately.
I don't know what i want out of this life anymore. The way i'm treating it right now...well it's all going down hill. I do things that my family and friends don't approve of. and things just aren't ok. but i'm working through it. i have people that care about me. that will hold me at my worst moments. i mean MY WORST moments. serious.
it's just so complicated. i never thought i would come to this point. i never thought it would get this bad.
not just drinking and smoking. and ya. i do that..it's not like no one knows about it now. but just the simple things i do! like why do i have to be a bitch to some people. why can't i just get over things? why do i have to go thru these things?!

i hate this.
i don't like this life right now.
i don't like where it is going.
why does everyone give a shit about what people do with their lives?
i was walking around tonight and i would pass by those "YES! 102" signs about gay marriage...it would just infuriate me every time i passed one. what is this world coming to? why do people care? why isn't that socially excepted? they are just people. like get over yourselves people. life isn't all about you. it might not be ok for your religion..whatever. but your religion also tells you not to judge. to except others for who they are. treat others as though you would want to be treated...
it's a twisted life we are all leading.

peace.

sigh

life.

woooo...

I'm tired.