thoughts about nothing

hey.
alright.
theres a lot going on right now.
and i guess i just kinda need to get it all out.
broken hearts.
second thoughts.
laughs.
tears.
everything you can imagine.
this is what a teenage life is about.
everything in it.
we are just figuring out real pain and not just on the outside. everything we do revolves around our thoughts and emotions. it's hard to control them...get them OUT of our heads! even if we try our hardest. and it seems like when it comes to "love" ...those are the hardest of all. everytime i think about what my friends are going thru and how i feel about josh and pretty much everything goin on in my life..i just want to scream, take a deep breath and then burst into tears. i guess there really is a limit as to how much a person can take. Every little thing we take in during these years of our lives determines how we are going to turn out as an adult. we have to watch ourselves and how we interpret things, think about things, the choices about fitting in or doing the right thing, our addictions....the single thought about suicide never officially leaves a persons mind once it's placed in there, after feeling something that you've never felt before that feeling is always there, wanting to replace the feeling of nothingness with something "real" but really it's not..it's just a thought i've had. All of my thoughts are jumbled into a paper ball...no one can process them the same as me. Tears stop at the throat for me...but it's hard to get through a day without wanting them...
but your done reading my shit.
<3
kenzy

ahhhhh

wow.
i haven't written anything in forever!!
so i might as well kinda update you on my life right now.
cuz the last post...idk what i wrote. but it wasn't much i think. haha. idk.
i don't really member.
so anyways.
yes i have a NEW boyfriend.
and he really is amazing.
and for those of you who realllllly care about religion and morals and stuff...
he really cares about those things.
and that helps me a lot too.
we have a lot of fun together.
and he is just plan amazing.
love em to death!
[and he's gorgeous]
teehee.
anywhoooooommm!!
KHEYA AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS TO THE MAXXXXXX....again.
haha.
i love that girl to death.
sooo yeah....
there's a lot going on.
it's insane.
some stuff i can't talk about.
but it's really affecting me.
and it sucks ass.
grrrr.
but there is just a TONNNN of drama with friends.
just....NOT VERY MANNNYYY at POSTON!
a ton at mvt.
but not many at poston.
which is weird.
but it's cuz i chill with all older kids.
i love it tho.
sooo yeah!
just TOOO MUCH TO TYPE!
but i'm having a BLAST with JOSH<3, KHEYA and ETHAN!!! woot!
and some other peepssss.
woot! woot!
we have like waaayyy to much fun. haha.
it's amazing.
i love those kids to death do us part....
like noooo shittin ya.
haha.
welllll i'm shurr ur done reading this nonsense.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

<3
kenzy