on my roof

I'm sitting on my roof, my thinking spot.
I'm pretty lost right now because i've had a lot going on lately.
I'm stuck in the middle of things.
and I'm just giving up on other things.
I pretty much just don't want to believe i can get out of this hole.
All i do is dig really big holes for myself and just sit in them wishing i could get out even though there's a ladder sitting right next to me.
That's what i do.
That's the type of person i am.
There's a lot bout me that i need to change and a lot about me that i have yet to figure out.
It's weird how much getting fucked over by another person can have an impact on you and your decisions.
But i know i can change that.
I know that i have the capability to change the type of person i am.
But do i want to?
or do i just want to try to be accepted by other people?
or is it me that isn't accepting them?
is it my problems that are doing this?
or maybe its just who i am..
i wish i could know those parts of me that i don't understand or know yet.
maybe that would help me figure all of this out.
to come clean with myself.
I'm starving, but i'm not hungry.
I'm not strong, but i'm not weak.
I'm not everything, but i'm not nothing.
that's what i feel like.
There is so much in front of my face that i can't seem to grasp.
Everything up here is so clear.
There aren't any distractions.
it's just me.
and the sky.
endless sky.
just like my thoughts.
completely endless.
maybe they will end someday.
but before that day..i hope all my questions are answered.