A change...
Hey everyone!
So recently i went to my Grandfather's funeral and it changed my perspective of my grandpa. He was a very loved man. I know that for sure. I guess i was the one at fault here. I was to busy looking at the bad things in him that i didn't get a chance to really know him. I regret that. There were some young girls that go to my church that would talk to him and enjoyed listening to his stories. Well one of them broke down in tears today at his funeral. She's like 5 or 6. She got to know him better than I did because she chose to listen. I went through more with him than her but I still should have given him a chance. I deeply regret that....very very much. I'm actually quite mad at myself for not doing that. Many people only knew him for a short time length. They took advantage of that and I didn't. I let it go...I know from all of the stories that they had to tell about their experiences with him, that he had a good heart, he had a good long life and i'm sure that he is glad to be home. Sure he had some problems with the whole parenting thing and the grandparent thing but he still loved us all. I looked at those who were mourning today at the funeral and I wondered why...now I understand...I completely understand. This is the first funeral that I have actually understood and had the most problems with in my life...lol. and hopefully there will be no more for a long long long long long long long time!!!!!Well that felt good to get out of my system! lol....i'll be writing later!
I LOVE YOU GUYS! and i appreciate that you read my blog and help me out with my problems..hehe.
l8tr!
Kenzy
posted by Kenzy @ 1:18:00 AM
7 Comments:
Life's lessons are hard sometimes, especially the ones you cannot undo, but only learn and try not to make the same mistake again. Grandpa was a hard person to take sometimes. He might have meant well, but sometimes he didn't DO well. He was harsh and mean and intolerant at times. And he was kind and funny and loving at times. It seems we are always at our best when we are with "strangers" and at our worst with "family". Whatever it is, our families always know the dirt about us better than strangers do sometimes. That's why some parents are suprised when someone tells them "Your kids are SOOOO polite and well behaved at our house..." Of course we aren't suprised...LOL. Everyone has a good side and a bad side and some people only get to see most of one side or the other. So you are right, he wasn't a good grandpa to you or any of the other kids in a lot of ways. And it was his fault, he didn't know how to be a good grandpa. But, all of us have to learn that people have good sides and we have to figure out how to forgive them and be kind to them even when they are not kind to us and get to their good side. I am sure Grandpa regrets how he acted toward his grandkids now and it is something he is dealing with with God as he approaches his judgment. He is forgiven by God, we need to forgive, move on and try not to repeat OUR mistakes, or his. I am proud of you that you realize these things in life. Lessons like this are always hard to swallow, but if we are better people because of them then we are closer to being like Jesus who loved everyone perfectly even if they were killing Him.
love,
dad, who also had problems with grandpa as you know
Dear Kenz,
I hope that I am never the kind of grandparent that Grandpa was. He felt that it was his role in life to "straighten out" everybody. Not just his grandkids, everybody. Me, Uncle Dave, Dad, people at his church, his friends...
Any time he would come for a visit, he would observe the family for awhile, then he would sit me down and tell me what I was doing wrong, never what I was doing right, with my children.
That was great fun. :-)
Yes, he was judgmental and dictatorial when he was still able to express it all. And I do believe that he had good intentions but he didn't "get it". But when he could no longer express his criticisms, he had to look within himself and examine his own soul. I think that's when he came to terms with his own sinfulness and some very deep problems in his own life that he had buried for a long time. It's always easier to see what's wrong with everybody else than to go through the pain of examining ourselves.
I did the same thing with my Mom that you did with Grandpa. I was very angry with her for many years for being an alcoholic. I was still mad at her when she was dying, although I could still see the good things about her. I wrote her a letter thanking her for all the good things that she had done for me. I was going to give it to her to read the next morning, but she died that night. She never got to read it. Over the years, through learning more about family history and through making bad decisions of my own and realizing my own fallenness, I have come to understand more about why she was the way she was, and I have wished many times that I could talk to her about lots of different things. She did come back to comfort me right after she died (I think I've told you this), and so she did understand my mixed feelings at the time of her death, I think.
I have a feeling that Grandpa understands your feelings now, too. All of the good things that other people saw about Grandpa were true, and all of the bad things that only we experienced were true too. Dad's right (darn it! he he). These kinds of lessons are hard, and we have to try to take what we have learned and try not to make the same mistakes again with other people. I love you for your honesty and your tender heart. I love you for being willing to go through the pain of analyzing yourself. God loves you and He always forgives.
Mom
Okay Kiddo-since the O wise parentals weighed in, I figured I better too. I have been feeling guilty for some of the reasons. When people were sharing stories about Grandpa, I told Jer later that the only one I could think of was when he yelled at Jer and me about how to correctly eat soup. I have known Grandpa Gil for almost 1/2 my life and that was the best (or pretty much only memory) I could come up with and I am ashamed of that. He was a difficult man, but also an interesting and sad and lonely man but as you noted, someone who was loved despite this faults and that is best we can hope for in life too. It’s hard to find people who love you no matter what, and that’s what family (all kinds of family-the one you were born with, your church family and the family you make for yourself) should be and always is. I think the true gift to us from Grandpa is a life lesson; about forgiveness and grace and change and living a truly authentic and meaningful life. There is value in being a good and "proper" person, but in the end, it doesn't save you and in the end, all you have in life is the comfort or torment of the life you lived, the choices you made and the people you affected and the promise of a better life beyond. I know it's sort of corny, but I truly believe Grandpa knew how you felt, how we all felt because in the end, family is family and those bonds are for better and worse. That's the reason we were all out there, in the heat, in the dust, in long clothes and uncomfortable circumstances. Because we are family and that's what you do and in the end, be proud you did that and know how grateful we are all to you for that, and for everything you did for him, and for loving him despite all the bad stuff. The best thing about Grandpa is that he gave us Mammy, who is the most gracious woman I have ever met, to be able to say that caring for him was an honor and something she would never take back. That kind of kindness and graciousness is a learned trait and something I know Grandpa had a hand in teaching her, so through Grandpa and Mom, I hope we all can learn to be such caring and amazing people.
Love,
your sister Britt
Hi Mackenzie! I read your Dad's blog all the time. So when I read about your Grandpa, I popped on over here to read your thoughts.
It seems that you are a wise young woman. One who has the ability to reflect and examine their inner thoughts. Many young people, heck - many old people, don't know how to do that. So, props kiddo!
Perhaps it is ,in some small way, due to your Grandpa's ways with you that you are as mature and thoughtful as you are. If that is the case, then good has come from a difficult relationship.
That, in and of itself, is God's grace and gift to you because perhaps you would not have learned that if your Grandpa hadn't been in your life.
May God give you peace and freedom from guilt in this situation.
Love from a Mom who's beentheredonethat.
Yes, yet another one of your dad's readers/listeners....
You, young lady, are a very insightful young woman...feeling--really feeling!--your own grief, but not only just at being mistreated...feeling also, at the end, the real loss that losing a grandpa brings.
My deepest condolences to you and yours. May his memory be eternal.
That's a great story. Waiting for more. » » »
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