simple choices
i don't like making choices.
but if i don't make the decisions i get really annoyed.
i like to live my life with no regrets. i like to take chances and just get out there even if it has bad consequences like getting grounded.
i don't want to spend my life with regrets thinking..."i really wish i did more things when i was young"
so that's why i am the way i am.
i get tired of being grounded sometimes. but i always have a memory that comes with it:]
i only have two and a half years to make these stupid decisions.
i know there are the simple decisions that are life changing.
i try to avoid those. i try to keep myself from getting pregnant. i am going to try not to go to juvie because i don't have anymore chances. i am not a "good" kid judged by my actions.
i can't say i've never drank. and i can't say i've never done drugs. i can't say i've never purposely made a decision without knowledge of the consequences.
but to say the total truth...it was worth all of the trouble.
i'm not going to lead my life on like this.
i'm just taking advantage of my age. i've always been told to live with no regrets. to take chances. and don't let my young life slip away...so i'm not.
i enjoy my life.
i have made a choice or two that i regret.
they've made me feel empty inside and lost....
but i need to just suck it up.
because time is lost if i don't.
don't hate me.
because i like to be myself.
posted by Kenzy @ 1:43:00 PM
3 Comments:
Wow, let me know how that works out for you.
So far, I haven't met a single soul who was able to live a wild life and then simply turn it off before suffering any of the consequences. I tried it myself, several times in fact, but it didn't seem to work out for me. I'm having to learn obedience now, and at my ripe old age it's not a picnic.
But you're different than me, right? Smarter, so you'll make it work. You can waltz right up to that life-changing choice, play around with it for awhile, and then walk away before it grabs you.
Yeah. Let me know how that works out.
More thoughts, this time on "i don't want to spend my life with regrets thinking..."i really wish i did more things when i was young""...
Here's a short list of risks that people regret not taking in their youth. Trying out for the lead. Learning to fly a plane. Investing in real estate. Telling the truth. Quitting the job and going on a mission to Africa.
The things that we regret as we look back on life are exactly the things that are making you feel empty and lost inside right now. The answer is not to "suck it up", but rather to avoid those activities and replace them with things that actually enrich your life, things you won't regret later. That's what the emptiness is supposed to lead us to. We waste it when we repeat the mistake.
Most people your age aren't working as hard as you are to figure this out. Don't use the regrets of the elderly as an excuse for willfulness and disobedience. Don't squander your efforts on rationalizations that only lead you back to where you started. The truth is out there.
sorry to brake it to ya miss teri...but you don't really know why i feel lost and empty inside.
ya...whatever. i made some bad decisions. but they arent the ones you are thinkin of. it's not because of my bad habits.
i have taken a "risk" and jumped out there and i'm starting a practice in my future career. and i plan to do another kind for another career i'm going to have.
i feel rather underestimated.
maybe i do it myself.
-kenzy
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