Screwed Up
My life is pretty much shit right now.
I feel like nothing. i don't want to do anything right now but write. i'm so fucking frustrated with myself and my parents. They obviously don't trust me with just about anything right now. yeah it's my fault kinda. but i'm really fucking tired of them not understanding that i'm growing up. i understand responsibility more than they think i do. my mom is always stating that she "knows" i won't do something even if i say i will. that she knows i can't stick to something. THANKS FOR THE MOTHER FUCKING ENCOURAGEMENT! i am so frustrated with everything. apparently my phone distracts me. i haven't been txting while reading. but no. that doesn't matter. they don't think that i can grow up. whatever. i have three more years here and then this is over for the most part. I'm tired of slacking off. i'm tired of being looked down on by my parents and my friends because i procrastinate. i'm tired of not being trusted. i'm tired of not being organized. i'm tired of doing things i'm not supposed to. but i'm tired of following the rules. i'm tired of giving up. and i'm tired of my mom thinking a can't stick to something. i'm tired of failing at everything i do. i'm tired of being wrong. and i'm tired of things not working anymore. i'm done with all of this fucking shit. i really am. i'm not going to put up with anyones shit anymore. they can say whatever the fuck they want to me. i don't really give a fuck. i'm growing up even if my parents don't want me to. I'm growing up even if they have doubt that i can change my ways. I'm changing. i'm not going to follow the religious path they want me too. i've failed at that. and that's what THEY want for me. They want it. who said i did? i've strayed away from that. yeah i regret it a little. but it's hard to jump right back into it. i really hate this. i hate all my decisions. i hate having to make decisions. i hate having to think about everything that ever happens to me. i'm tired of this. i really am.
but i'm not going to just drop it. i'm not just going to end everything because that's what people expect of me. i'm going to prove them wrong. because apparently i suck at life. i suck at making the right choices. and i'm going to end up getting hurt. . . . i'm not. I don't give a fuck what you people say to me. I really fucking don't. i'm going to succeed.
my family is so messed up. everything is.
i'm done.
bitch back at me if you want.
posted by Kenzy @ 10:34:00 PM
2 Comments:
When you grow up all of life is about choices and decisions...even in a messed up family and later in a messed up world. Every choice leads down a path and establishes a reputation. Sometimes its better to ask someone who has been down that path if the place you end up and the reputation you get with it is worth it. That's a choice too, and its called wisdom, an attribute of a "grown up". Its people who blame everyone else for their decisions that never grow up. But then even that is a choice.
No bitch back. Its all just part of growing up. Unfortunately the world doesn't get warmer and fuzzier and more forgiving of bad decisions as you grow up...it gets colder, meaner and less forgiving.
At least when you screw up in a family, you're still loved.... even if it seems messed up.
Wow! i had my eyes pealed to the screen as i read! your loved, even if you don't feal it. ill keep you in my prays. luv u!
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