lost
I'm lost in my thoughts continuously again.
all i ever want is the person i didn't want.
it's difficult for me to smile like i used to.
i miss it.
and i want to shed my tears over and over again.
but i can't.
i'm not that kind of a person.
or am i?
do i just not allow myself to be that person?
.......
idk anymore.
i can't think straight today.
or yesterday
...
day before.
i don't like this one bit.
and i just want things back how they were.
am i the only one that wants that though?
idk what to say.
idk if i'm thinking the right way.
is this just the usual after thoughts?
it kills me to see him,
unless i'm next to him.
i don't exactly hate this....
but i'm not enjoying myself anymore.
maybe we should try again..
just try differently.
yeah.
idk.
it might just be me though....
:[
posted by Kenzy @ 8:35:00 PM
2 Comments:
You can't be just friends and lovers at the same time. Once you been in love you can hardly ever go back to just friends even if you still like the person. So we are usually faced with the reality of "all or nothing" and once you've been in love with someone, the prospect of "nothing" is painful. But we know its usually true. So we have second thoughts. So yeah, its the usual after thoughts.
Its a hard life because we love imperfectly.
What would you do differently if you tried again? Would the reasons that you broke up not be there anymore? What would you change?
You know I think he's a gem of a person, but that's only from what I see and from what I sense; I don't really know him. From what you've told me, neither do you, and I thought you showed a great deal of wisdom in recognizing the importance of being able to talk about the deeper realities of life with someone you care about.
Then again, there was something else you said that was very wise; that is, that you are only 14 (and all which that implies)...
I feel for you. Pain does lessen with time.
Love,
Ma
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