things get crazy

I'm not sure why i'm here again.
why do i turn to this for help? maybe i feel like it clears my mind of all the words i write but sometimes it just creates more.
life is different now.
i don't know where to start or where to end.
i don't know how to help someone out whom i love so dearly because i can't even help myself out this time. things in life never seem right in place even when i have things i need. i'm a broken person surrounded by other broken people.
and my life will never be content.
so what do we do in this position?
do we just sit back and watch as others live their lives till they seem happy?
or do we try to be like them?
do we fake it till we are?
or does it just continue to be a fake smile?
my smile is only real around those whom i love the most. the ones that i care about so much i cant seem to have a good day when things suck for them.
sometimes i hate that i care so damn much. why do i care?
i'm tired of the person i am.
i rely on things i can't have and the ones i do have i seem to push away.
i need something instead of addictions.
i already know the answer to this one.
but that takes time.
time that i don't want to take almost.
i want to heal those who are in pain all the time.
the ones that i care about most seem to have the most problems. i want soooo badly to cure them of their pain but life just hasn't granted me that power.
the only things i can do is pray i guess.
i wish i could hold out on my promises.
i can't promise that ill never feed my addictions anymore because that would be lying. but i can't say..o hey. i'm going to go do__________. cuz then ill never be allowed out of the house....
d;kajfaehbvbgahdlaj....
let me out of here.


peace out.