Many Things to Say...
Tonight I went to Cody White's viewing. It was harsh, but I still did not shed a tear.
Tomorrow I will go to Cody White's funeral. It will be harsh, but, yet again, I will not shed a tear.
I completely understand everything that is going on and I definately understand death, but yet i'm one of the few people that doesn't express their sadness when it is needed or when it is "wanted." I guess that I tend to think of things more deeply and thoughtfully. This whole experience has helped me to understand that we are all the same on the inside and how much discomfort and pain we put eachother through. I don't think that we understand eachother no matter how close we are to eachother. The thoughts and feelings that go through us daily will never be understood by anyone else; the reasonings to why we get angry at eachother will never be understood by anyone besides ourselves, but even then, we don't understand ourselves most of the time. Life is thought to generally about by each of us daily. We see it as something that we do and then we are gone. That's it. I know that we each come to this question in our lives, but I know for a fact that we were each given life for a reason, God wanted us to live life for a reason. If he didn't he wouldn't have given us each an individual personality and features. We are to judgemental towards eachother. Half the time that's what drives people to the point of suicide. They may have been loved by many people but that doesn't mean that they knew they were loved. (This is probably the most confussing post i've ever written.) I think that we should never wait to long to show our emotions towards eachother because you never know when a life is going to end. We are all in suspence everyday; each of us waiting to know when our day will come. Some may take the path of choosing the day they go. I don't know what else to say right now. So i'm out.
Mucho Loves
Kenzy
posted by Kenzy @ 8:56:00 PM
2 Comments:
Kenzy,
I know how you feel. Tonight was so hard. It was so difficult to look at him. To even be in that room. But it made me realize that I do need to show the people I love that I love them. And this also made me realize that you, Sadee, and me really need to stop getting in arguments about the stuff we have been lately. They are nothing compared to the stuff that REALLY matters. I hope you think about that too.
I love you so much!!!!
Kheya
Hey there,
I agree, it is amazing how you can know someone but not really ever know or understand them completely. I have often wished I could be inside somebody else's head for a little while, so I could "get" them. But it's more than just the head, it's the soul of a person...
It gave me a sick feeling to watch people coming out of the viewing smiling and patting each other on the back and happy-go-lucky. I'm not trying to judge them, because I don't know what they were really feeling...but it just bothered me.
It bothered me because the reality is there is nothing to be happy about in this situation. A young man loved by God was so deeply wounded by life that he wanted out. I never saw Cody, but I wanted to weep for him and his family.
Life can really suck (yes, I used that word), we are all fallen and broken and lonely, seeking peace, fulfillment and wholeness in all the ways that will never give us our hearts' desire.
If you can begin to develop and hold on to a constant remembrance of death at your age, Kenzie, it will help you on your path to knowing God.
Everything in our culture wants to deny this truth; all the emphasis on the outward appearance, on retaining youth, on gratifying our senses...it's all a lie.
(I buy into it all the time)
Anyway, I sure love you, and I am glad that you are a person who thinks about what's real. I know there are lots of times when you and I don't understand each other. But I always know that you love me and I hope you know that I love you, too.
And may God grant rest to the soul of Cody White.
Love,
Mom
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